How do I know how a friends fells about me? I have one friend I have reconnected with over these five past months, In that time I have come to consider him a close friend, if not a best friend. I do not know how he fells about me in this regard, and asking is awkward. I can be oblivious to things I do not know what kind of signs to look for. Neither of our jobs is willing to change our schedules, making time to hang exceedingly scarce. What should I do?

369.

Hi there! You can never know unless you ask or they tell you.  Chances are neither of these possibilities are going to happen so what you are left with, is assessing how you feel and how you think your friend feels about you.  Does he seem invested in your friendship? You may want to think about how often he initiates a conversation with you or how often he asks you to hangout.  Schedules are really difficult to work around, especially if yours seems to clash, but if this person means something to you, you will make the effort- and so will he.  It’s really important that a friendship is and feels equal.  In other words, you want to be putting in what you are getting out.  Do you feel as though your friendship is equal?  I would focus on this, something you can assuredly assess for yourself, rather than focus on if he thinks you are his best friend.  How he feels about you should come across through his interactions with you or lack there of.  If he isn’t putting as much effort as you are into the friendship, it may say something about how much he values you as a friend.  These are some things you want to consider.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: I'm a very shy person. My father decided this year that I'm transferring to a new school. I was thinking that maybe I could also start a new me at the new school. I don't want to be shy, I want to be outspoken. My face always gets red when I'm the center of attention or if I get embarrassed. What should I do?

368.

Hi there! I think its absolutely wonderful that you want to start a ‘new you’ this year. This is definitely achievable but the drive must come from you!  If you want to be outspoken, you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone even if you are afraid to.  Being shy or introverted makes this definitely a challenge, but this is something you can overcome.  Perhaps to make it a bit easier for yourself, you could start small by meeting a few new people and initiate conversations with others you would like to get to know better.  You may also want to join a club or two, which provides a comfortable setting that you can deliver the ‘new you.’ Being outspoken is not synonymous with being the center of attention.  Focus on small achievable goals like talking to someone new or raising your hand in a class that you enjoy.  Baby steps like these will soon add up and you will realize before you know it that you have achieved something great and have become who you want to be.  If you don’t want to be shy, then don’t be.  It really is in your power and control to be and act in the very way you envision for yourself.   You have to make your vision a reality and this can be done through a variety of ways, yet I have laid out a few you may want to try first.  If you would like some alternative options, don’t hesitate to write back in.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: A few months ago my parents saw a picture of me and my afriend guy and thought I was dating him and accused me of things Idon't do and now they saw a tumblr couple drawing on my phone and over reacted about it and stopped me from going to school they think it's very wrong to have these pictures i can't stop my education :/

367.

Hi there! You really have to stand strong and defend yourself because it seems like your parents don’t have a good understanding of what is going on in your life and are jumping to conclusions that they shouldn’t.  Being open with them about certain aspects of your life can actually prevent situations like this one from happening.  It may be possible that your parents feel excluded from your life and are acting in an overbearing fashion because of it.  Alternatively, they could just have very different standards for you than you have for yourself and that is okay too.  Be strong and proud of who you are, what you do in your life, and don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.  Defend your right to go to school.  They cannot strip this from you and calmly explain why your education matters to you.  Why their claims are false.  You have the right to have certain pictures on your phone and I’m terribly sorry your parents are acting in this way.  I believe it’s disrespectful to you and you shouldn’t have to respond to these accusations.  You have a right to be heard and you should demand that they listen to you.  If these things they say you have done are not true, then all you can do is tell the truth and hope that they really hear you.  Although these are your parents, don’t let yourself be trampled on.  I think it’s very wrong that your parents are putting you in a situation where they are threatening to take away your education.  This isn’t negotiable.  You must work with them in order to go back to school, because in truth- that is of the utmost importance.  Know that this site supports you and don’t be afraid of your parents.  You are just as powerful as they are.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps!  

asker

Anonymous asked: I just transferred to this new school. I heard there's a drama club there, I really want to join it. I'm scared to ask my parents for permission. A shy person wanting to become an actress, is it possible? What should I do? Should I ask them and give it a try?

366.

Hi there! Welcome to your new school!  This is such a great opportunity to try something new, break out of your norms, and go for something you are passionate about.  We only have one life, and we should never live it scared.  We should never be scared to try new things, scared to fail, or scared to put ourselves out there. There are so many benefits to taking risks and to taking the initiative in our life to bring ourselves outside of our comfort zones.  I highly recommend you talk to your parents about joining your school’s drama club.  This will really give you an opportunity to meet some new people, explore a new part of yourself, and delve into a field that is of importance to you! Try not to limit and label yourself as a “shy person” as it reduces you down to a particular trait.  All of us are shy when we are out of our comfort zones- some more than others- but just because your shy doesn’t mean anything about how you can act and your passion for joining the club!  I would give it a try and go to the first few meetings and see how you like it!  You may find that it is your new hobby or that you don’t like it at all.  Either way the fact that you gave it a try is truly commendable and worthwhile in all your future endeavours.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: HI, so i am in a confusing situation. There is this guy who I have such strong feelings for. I know he likes me but I am not sure to what degree. We talk everyday send pics to each other we used to go to the same school but I moved away and now since we are both in college we are even further away. I don't know if I can possibly bring up a long distance relationship because I am not sure where I stand with him. I am afraid he only likes me sexually. Is there a way to find out? Help?

365.

Hi there! Your feelings for him seem to be overwhelming you and I’m sure its really difficult to not know where he stands and how he feels about you. Although it is clear he likes you, I can understand your concern that his feelings for you do not match your own.  There are two options that I see here.  The first is to see how this new transition affects your relationship, and “wait it out” to see what happens and what you may or may not want while you are in college.  A long distance relationship is hard enough and doing this during college presents even more challenges.   I highly support these relationships, however, it is really important that you think through what this means and how this will shape your college experience.  If after careful thought, you really know this is what you want, I would actually initiate a conversation with him.  Although it’s scary to do so, you won’t ever know how he feels about you unless a) he makes the first move or b) you do!  Don’t be afraid because either way you will find out how he really feels and this will take an immense amount of stress and pressure off your back.  It’s really anxiety provoking to not know how someone feels about you and I think when the time is right, you should talk to him about this and ask him where he stands and how he feels and what he wants.  Being open about how you feel, and creating a situation in which he can explain how he feels really can benefit you both.  Waiting around, wondering what he’s feeling, may not be the best path for you! You have to decide how pressing your feelings are, what you really want, and find the courage to talk to him about this.  You never know where just a little bit of courage can lead you.  It may change your life.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

I used to eat vegies when I was kid. Bit ever since I ate this one bitter vegie, I’ve become afraid to eat vegies. It didn’t really bother me because I don’t really put up much weight even if I’m eating meat only. But when I was 13, I started thinking about my future. Like what would happen if I had a baby and I don’t give her enough nutrition cause I don’t eat vegies? Also, ever since we moved here in the US, I started gaining weight and became more plump. I am so scared that I’m getting out of shape right now. It’s like my worst nightmare. I want to get back to my slim shape.. I want to balance my food intake and start eating healthy. I want to eat vegies but I don’t know how. Whenever I try to eat one, I just tend to throw up. Any advice? 

364.

Hi there! 

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a bad experience with eating vegetables, as they are such an important part of our food intake.  Have you tried a lot of different vegetables? It may be that there are a few that you are aversive to, but there could be some that you may actually like.  A lot of vegetables don’t have a particularly strong taste such as cucumber and mushrooms.  I would recommend really evaluating what particular vegetables you do not like and which vegetables you have yet to try.  Do you think your strong aversion comes from perhaps some sort of allergic reaction? Throwing up after eating a certain food is really unhealthy and I think it is wise to avoid these foods.  I also think you should see a nutritionist as you have mentioned some real concerns about your health and fitness.  A nutritionist can further answer your questions about how much vegetable intake you actually need to maintain a healthy life style.  They can also help you to eat healthier!  Don’t worry that you may be out of shape right now, because there is always room for change.  You have to be motivated and want to change more than you like unhealthy food.  You must be prepared to exercise and put your health above everything else.  In essence, you have to want it.  This is the only way you can make a permanent change for yourself.  Make achievable goals for yourself and go after them.  I know you can do it! Don’t be afraid, because if you put your mind to it you can live a healthier lifestyle and you will see the incredible results.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: I recently met a friend of a really good friend, and we hit it off very well. We would only run into each other at said friend's parties. So at the most recent party we ended up having amazing sex and spent the entire night together. The only problem is that my really good friend is best friends with the girl that I hooked up with. I have some strong feelings for this girl that I know have been reciprocated, and he's told me that she's not looking for any encounters. What should I do?

363.

Hi there! I think your best friend could know best, however, you may want talk to the girl directly.  Although your best friend has told you that she is not looking for any encounters, the only way you can find out for sure is to ask her yourself.  I know this can be daunting, but if you have strong feelings for her, I think this is one of the only routes you can take to find out how she feels about you.  Alternatively, you could wait and try to see her again and simply see where things lead.  Either course is a possibility and it is up to you to decide how pressing your feelings are for her and if you want to take the initiative in asking her how she feels about you.  Both options can really lead to positive change, however, if she does not wish to be anything more than friends, or casual partners, then you must respect this.  I would focus on what you want and how she feels and see if you can make something out of this situation.  Remember that she may or may not want the same thing as you and that’s okay!  You both may change your minds and only time can really tell.  Keep a positive attitude, don’t be afraid of taking the initiative, and respect what she wants and you will be successful!  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: hy! i have problem getting over my ex boyfriend. i still love him but i don't think he feels the same. how do i get over my ex

362.

Hi there! This is a really hard position to be in and I don’t think there is a quick fix to getting over your ex.  You shared something incredibly special and deep with this person and there isn’t much you can do to just get rid of the feelings you have.  This is certainly not the approach you should take.  I would take this time to focus on you.  To refocus your life on your passions, on who you are, and what you love.  Whether that is listening to music, or watching movies, or playing a sport, dive into something or a few things that you love.  Getting lost in your passions can really highten your happiness and take your mind away from your current situation.  I would also spend more time with people that you love and those who make you feel good about yourself and life.  I would take some time away from your ex, avoiding contact with him if possible.  You need space for yourself right now and you owe this to yourself.  Although your feelings may not go away for a while, you need to remember why this relationship didn’t work out in the first place.  It’s easy to look back on your relationship for all the positive aspects, but don’t forget about what caused you to break up.  I know it’s hard to believe, but your partner should make you happy 100% of the time.  You should never feel this way and worry about someone not feeling the same way about you.  You WILL find someone in your future who will love you unconditionally and who you love just the same.  Know that life will go on and that focusing on you right now will be the best medicine.   Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: So I've been facing this problem for 5 years my dad stopped working and my Mum dosnt work he tried to find a job only the first year but the last 4 years he gave up and now were over broke and we can't go to Skool because we can't pay for it I tried finding a job my self but no one hires a 13 year old my parents are divorced 2 times and they got back together for us the kids and my dad smokes like crazy and know we have to find a new house that we can't afford so there ganna split and idk WTDo

361.

Hi there! I’m terribly sorry, your situation sounds unimaginably difficult and the economic and emotional strain on you and your family is immense.  I would recommend doing two things. Firstly I would look for assistance outside of your immediate family.  Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about what is going on at home?  I think it is necessary that you seek out help as this site is not your only resource.  Alternatively you could contact a previous teacher of yours or a friend ( who can then talk to their parents) and this way you have more support.  Obviously it is of utmost importance that you have the best living environment you possibly can and this starts with your parents taking an initiative to get employed.  Regardless of what the job is, they must take responsibility and provide for you.  I would have a serious conversation with them in which you clearly state how your economic situation is affecting you and how you could all work together to improve the situation.  Maybe you could do household chores for a neighbor like mow the lawn or walk their dog.  There are jobs that cater to someone who is your age, although they are very limited.  Although you do have some responsibility to motivate your parents to work and provide for the family, you cannot let their burdens become your own.  To see them divorce and get back together multiple times must be unimaginably hard, but you must remember that they love you and that regardless of their relationship, you are all a family and their marital problems don’t have anything to do with you, who you are, and what you stand for.  You must be strong to have gone through what you did, and I am so proud of you for this.  Although life is terribly hard right now, it WILL get better.  You should seek out as much support as you can and be honest with your parents. You are so brave and always have this site as a resource as well as any trusted adult in your life.  Help your parents be proactive in finding a job and you should also look for small jobs that you can take on.  Remember that no matter how hard, no matter what, life is beautiful and it will all be okay :) You can and will do anything you set your mind to and it’s just about convincing your parents and showing them what they need to do in order for you all to live the life you want to. Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

asker

Anonymous asked: hi, ive been talking to this girl on a social media site and i really like her. Ive had other girlfriends "kinda" . but never been on a proper first date. I wann go and have one with this girl but, im so awkward and nervous, that i dont wanna fuck up. even if i pass the nerves i end up not doing something i should, that takes me out of her "boyfriend" category. Any help?

360.

Hi there! I know how hard it can be to step out of your comfort zone and do something as nerve racking as going on a first date! Chances are she will be just as nervous as hard as that is to believe.  First dates are scary for everyone! Regardless of how “awkward” or nervous you may be, you just have to remember that this is someone you really like and you already have a connection.  You just have to take a deep breath and be proud of who you are, the awkwardness included.  Step up to the challenge and be confident- to the best of your ability! Know that nerves are normal but don’t let them get the better of you.  You are stronger than that.  Although you may not believe it, you are actually more in control of yourself than you think.  Make sure you have time before the date to just breathe and remember that this is supposed to be fun!! Don’t let your anxiety take away from the beauty of a first date.  You may be more comfortable going into it if you have already thought about some of the things you may want to talk about with her ahead of time.  Don’t think about messing up- because you won’t.  It’s better to go into the date knowing that it will be successful and not second guessing yourself.  Make sure you show her that you like her as more than a friend so there is no way she can “take you out of the boyfriend category.” If you are compatible and have mutual feelings for each other, the date will go smoothly, and will lead to something great.  Please feel free to ask any other follow up questions you may have.  Good luck and I hope this helps!